Ever since September all talk about the Oakland County Onanism has hinged on one phrase: "we don't know." The rooks could all be studs, or they could all be duds. Their absence at the Winter Meeting and both Satellites worried some in the league office, but seeing Nate Motta schedule aggressively early in the season at the April meeting helped assure their dedication. Well, this Sunday in Novi we finally get to put to rest hypotheticals and see what this team is all about. Carl will likely call them, "young, good looking athletes."
Sharlow stroked a grand slam in Week 1
Doby is the likely game 1 starter
Adams hit the walk-off HR in bot. 18
Haffey makes his return as captain
We've met Motta
The Jerk Turf layout Captain Keifer Haffey, the sole veteran, saw action in 15 games last season, in which he posted a 3.03 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, and 86 K (3.74 K/BB, 2.26 KpI) on the mound; respectable numbers for a half-season's work. It's expected he'll start the season as the Onanism ace to lead his team onto the field. It's also rumored that he's had his players practice, or at least coached them up. So, they may not have the deer-in-headlights look rookies often do on routine plays. But again, we'll see Sunday, and we can't wait!
The Flying Squirrels had similar "could-be-this, could-be-that" phrases cast their way over the winter. The Satellites helped steady the opinions on what they'd be (good), but their 2-0 performance in Week 1 may have pushed the needle even further. The 16-12 win in game 1 was shaky at times, but the team's strengths showed through. Lefty John Sharlow had the big hit of the game, a grand slam to right field - the runs were padding at the time, but wound up being the difference in the game. Then when rookie pitcher Kevin Doby got into trouble late in the game, he told his captain that he had it and came through with the win. The 18 inning marathon that followed killed their batting averages, but the Squirrels showed themselves to be capable, timely hitters.
Game 2 also showed the Squirrels greatest asset: Brandon D'Agnese on the mound, who threw 18 shut out innings in his first career start to gain an impressive early season victory. One of the things in Onanism's favor this week is that they will not have to face Brandon. They will still face two effective pitchers in Doby and Jason Hewlett. These two will provide a good barometer to judge exactly where Onanism's talent level is.
Fittingly, for once last time, we leave you with questions about Onanism. Will their "young, good looking hitters" outmatch the Squirrels' bats that have shown their ability to come through in the clutch? In their first time out, will Onanism's pitching be able to best two pitchers already proven capable? And just like that... we're speaking in very general, hypothetical terms again. But that's all about to change.
Sharlow stroked a grand slam in Week 1
Doby is the likely game 1 starter
Adams hit the walk-off HR in bot. 18
Haffey makes his return as captain
We've met Motta
The Jerk Turf layout Captain Keifer Haffey, the sole veteran, saw action in 15 games last season, in which he posted a 3.03 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, and 86 K (3.74 K/BB, 2.26 KpI) on the mound; respectable numbers for a half-season's work. It's expected he'll start the season as the Onanism ace to lead his team onto the field. It's also rumored that he's had his players practice, or at least coached them up. So, they may not have the deer-in-headlights look rookies often do on routine plays. But again, we'll see Sunday, and we can't wait!
The Flying Squirrels had similar "could-be-this, could-be-that" phrases cast their way over the winter. The Satellites helped steady the opinions on what they'd be (good), but their 2-0 performance in Week 1 may have pushed the needle even further. The 16-12 win in game 1 was shaky at times, but the team's strengths showed through. Lefty John Sharlow had the big hit of the game, a grand slam to right field - the runs were padding at the time, but wound up being the difference in the game. Then when rookie pitcher Kevin Doby got into trouble late in the game, he told his captain that he had it and came through with the win. The 18 inning marathon that followed killed their batting averages, but the Squirrels showed themselves to be capable, timely hitters.
Game 2 also showed the Squirrels greatest asset: Brandon D'Agnese on the mound, who threw 18 shut out innings in his first career start to gain an impressive early season victory. One of the things in Onanism's favor this week is that they will not have to face Brandon. They will still face two effective pitchers in Doby and Jason Hewlett. These two will provide a good barometer to judge exactly where Onanism's talent level is.
Fittingly, for once last time, we leave you with questions about Onanism. Will their "young, good looking hitters" outmatch the Squirrels' bats that have shown their ability to come through in the clutch? In their first time out, will Onanism's pitching be able to best two pitchers already proven capable? And just like that... we're speaking in very general, hypothetical terms again. But that's all about to change.
| 'Gian Joint | King's Castle | Jerk Turf | |||||||
| 5/3 | 5/4 | 5/3 | 5/4 | 5/4 | |||||
| WO | 1|5 | HB | 0|0 | EL | 6|0 | IS | 0|1 | FS | 4|2 |
| BW | 3|3 | BW | 3|1 | KF | 0|3 | ON | 11|13 | ON | 3|0 |
| Unavailable Pitchers: 1 Game: C. Phillips (EL), Paquin (HB), Linebrink (IS), Castle (KF) 2 Games: Farkas (BW), B. D'Agnese (FS) |
|
After one week the soggy vet, Chris Paquin, is out front with a half-pick lead over Kyle Tomlinson. Who himself has a half-pick lead over Jason Hollister. Meanwhile, David Castle reminds us all about The Tortoise and the Hare. David started playing from behind Friday night when the other three Pickers correctly went with the split. Kyle had the early 2-0 as he nailed it with the first pitch strike call. Saturday saw things turn, though, as Kyle got the first pick correct (WO vs. HB, O/U 22.5 RS), but so did Chris and Jason - and they did it with a lock to gain ground. David missed again, with a lock, adding insult to injury. He got his first correct pick in the nightcap, though, taking El Diablos to cover the spread. Chris joined him in picking that correctly, and pulled ahead of Kyle. Sunday's FS vs. BW series was the stumper - nobody picked an FS sweep. Call it a warm up. Distance can be gained or made up here: 5 picks on the line again. |
 |
 David (1 - 5) |
 Jason (3 - 3) |
 Chris (4 - 2) |
 Kyle (3 - 2) |
 @  Series Result |
1-1 Split |
Wolfpack Sweep With Cosby slated to pitch game 2, we now look like a real team. We're still not a real team though |
Belgian Sweep Although Farkas is unavailable for the series, his faux hawk is too intimidating for Hollister and the Wolfpack. |
Wolfpack Sweep Farkas stops sandbagging to be a 1-star and boosts his batting average above .300 |
 @ HR in series: O/U 3.5 |
Under but barely, Dennis hits three |
Over Way over. Like 7 HR. Paquin pulls up his purple socks a little higher at gets a bomb off of whoever Belgian is parading out there |
Under Dylan hits a bomb off of Nick |
Over Pearson-2 D. Braden- 1 Corbett-1 Farkas-2 N. Braden-1 |
 @  Series Point Spread: EL -6.5 |
El Diablos -6.5 Even though I hope not |
El Diablos -6.5 Are you kidding? El Diablos win both by a combined 14 runs and don't look back as they hammer any team in their way |
El Diablos -6.5 Castle hits his dry spell, no homers for him in the series |
El Diablos -6.5 After last week I'm done picking against my team. Left field will be 55 feet and not 200+. Mucho Homerun-O's |
 @  Ks in the series: O/U 45.5 |
Under |
Under I don't want to take the time to do the math so I will say under and hope for the best. I hope Kiefer does well, I like the guy #KeiferMadness |
Under Bash brothers take Kiefer yard twice each |
Under Barely. Kiefer gets excited and needs to change his shorts before the game |
 @ Series Result |
1-1 Split |
1-1 Split Linenbrink uses the power of Core Detroit to bring back the great pitching of Bill "Overrated" Mundell back to its original form |
1-1 Split Linebrink gets to Novi early, hires a couple waitresses from the Tilted Kilt to cheerlead for the series |
1-1 Split Mundel recovers from last weeks clobbering compliments of Big Dave. Onanism's youth allows them to steal a game |
